At Your Convenience: #Swindon Residents Test Towns First Pissoir

Testing Roderick Bluh's 'Wet Patch'

To see full size picture please click on the thumbnail above.

Leader of Swindon Borough Council, Rod Bluh, recently ordered the removal of the Millennium Clock from the intersection of Canal Walk and Regents Street and  replaced with a specially commissioned ‘Public Realm Artwork’ at a cost to the taxpayer of £240,000.

The artwork,  originlly called ‘Stacked Fountain’,  was immediately re-named ‘Bluh’s Wet Patch’ by locals – a reference to water spreading outwards from the fountain across the paving and previous ‘vision deliveries’ by Councillor Bluh.

‘Bluh’s Wet Patch’ is the latest in a small number of projects ‘delivered’ for Swindon by Roderick Bluh after he ‘saw’ them in a ‘vision’.   Two other deliveries, (notable because they made it from Bluh’s mind into reality),  were ‘Bluh’s Erection’ and ‘Bluh’s Porch’, both of which will be the subject of future blog posts.

Bluh’s Wet Patch is already causing some confusion.  Some residents, unable to tell the time since the Clock was removed but still able  (it seems)  to recognise that it is ‘time to go’,  are using the public realm artwork, which resembles a French style Pissoir, or public convenience for gentlemen,  as a Pissoir.

I spoke with the three local men (pictured above) about their lavatorial use of the fountain, and was told by one of the men,  Mr T Herald:

“If it looks like a urinal, sounds like a urinal and smells like a urinal, what do you expect people to do with it?”

Mr D’Agenham added:

“This is a quality pisser, top-grade stainless ‘n’ everything. I used to work at the Centric factory in Swindon so I know what I’m talking about”

The third man, who has asked not to be identified, said:

“There’s no bogroll, or even  seat for that matter, so whoever dreamt this up is obviously barking!…..but don’t quote me on that”

Bluh’s wet patch has been causing confusion since it was  unsheeted.  Last week  Miss Mary Lykes,  of the Cockwell Inn Penhill,  poured an entire bottle of fairy liquid into its sump before she realised it was not a public access dishwasher.  A council official later said of the incident:

“Stupid bitch, we would have charged her with wanton vandalism and littering, but because we had to switch off the cctv on the side of the fountain that people are using as a toilet, (because of human rights issues), we can’t prove it was her what done it”

Posted on
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
Filed under:
Walking & Walkies.
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